A twist to the different subject: London is full of men. Specyfing, it's full of a particular kind of men. Hint? They all dress the same, they all work in the same places, they all invite for a date to the same pub, they have exactly the same faces and exactly the same to say.
Don't get me wrong- it's not like I don't like men. I actually always had more in value some of my male friends than female ones. I always liked men's company and for quite a long time, somehow I prefered to build friendship-based relationships with them rather than flirt. Now I guess I can call it an instict.
A good male friend of mine, who from now onwards will remain anonymous on my blog*, said that 'The problem with men is that they all require a sexual exlusivity, but most of them is not worth it'. After all of London dating I've done as far, I completely agree with a second part.
DATING PART
When it first happen to me I really felt it worked. I had been waiting more than a week for his call, and when he called I really found it great that he'd been hesitating to contact me directly. The effect's been intensificated by the fact that he was French and always wore his tricky Paris-painter-style hat. Now I now that he's done it all in purpose. And well, making me waiting for a call more than a week now is rather not a good idea.
ACTUAL DATE
There was a time in my life when I dreamed about meeting a guy who wouldn't like to meet me at Covent Garden. Actually, I dreamed about meeting any guy who would have any specific place on his mind at all, as long as it was not pub 'Church' (which is in Covent Garden). A classic London date needs to have a spoil: the lack of direction. In practice this means that you meet the guy on the tube station (because his imagination cannot create any other type of place) and after the greeting (either 'You look fabulous' and a kiss in the chick or 'Oh my God I didn't recognize you!') you ask 'Where shall we go now?' and you here 'Well, there are many possibilities'. After that you have to preper yourself for a long walk, soon turing into a run, then into a race freezing your fingers and making you caughin. Of course, there are many turns on the way ('Uhh I really don't know this area', 'hmm I think it's a wrong road', 'maybe we should turn right for a change'). To explain it better, it's not like they invite you for a walk. They simply have no idea where are they going. And so do they in their lives.
PICK-UP LINES
'You know, I could get you this job. You know, I know the HR manager you know. We used to be going to zumba dancing every Wednesday, you know.'
'Oh my God, you're so smart!'
'I've been being here for couple of years already. I could take care of you. Hehhe you know what I mean.'
'You are so artistic, I love it. I always wanted to be an artist, but my parents wanted me to have a proper career.'
EXPLICITY
- They are all hopeless, Frank.
- And where did you get to this conclusion from?- asked Frank monotonously moving his nailfile in his sleek fingers.
- There is nothing interesting about them, they all say the same and they all want the same and despite that they don't really know what they want.
- This is a civilization statement- concludede mr Frank.- You are a modern female mammal living in post-feministic society where men lost their natural role. So you require them to lead at the same time being a dominative individual and you discourage them.
- But still believe me Frank, they are hopeless.
Mr Frank sought.
- Of you say so.
THE PLOT
The dialogues in these scripts practically don't exist. I have to admit, I pretty much all the time talk about myself. Simply because there is just nothing about them I would like to know more about.
And this is how, without mr Frank, I found the key to this riddle. I enjoy the time with myself. I like to tell them about me and enjoying what I hear, how much I've done, how much I've learned and how smart and sophisticated I am. And this is why I stopped to do Dating in London for a while. I realized that I can spend time with myself without all of them.
*One of my friends from now onwards will remain anonymous on my blog. Recently I was talking about him with my friend in a bar and I noticed two pairs of teenage eyes staring at me from beside. I realized that my beloved friend is starting to be famous. And therefore I am not going to use his name from now on the web.
Fortunately, being male, I only get some wierd looks from these guys (When I sing on the tube for example).
ReplyDeleteThere must be someone different out there!!!
Or else there is always internet dating! :]
ReplyDeleteThis is a very strange post, covering a lot of subjects. You start with a generalization, which is almost always wrong when it comes to people. You go on to value comparison: is exclusivity worth the trouble? Apart from the fact that exclusivity and sense of possession is, unfortunately quite embedded in society, the question that never gets answered in this article is 'worth trouble for what?'.
Security? It gets implied in the accusation
"They simply have no idea where are they going. And so do they in their lives.", so you take security and decisiveness as a merit.
Also on the phrase
"I've been being here for couple of years already. I could take care of you. Hehhe you know what I mean." and when you describe men's indecisiveness during the date.
It seems like you just wanted someone to admire you, validate your worth? Possibly both. At last realized that you didn't need others to do that, which is good. Does that mean that men are all trash? Possibly not.
Really though, generalizing just means you want to avoid a problem by projecting it on others. I think that you are so sensitive about these issues (indecisiveness, insecurity) because you despise them in yourself. Avoid the shifty guys who would try to sell you security just to get to you but also learn to understand those traits on others because we are all more or less flaberghasted by this cosmic shitstorm we call life, and I feel you may dismiss some interesting people if you keep judging people based on that.
Dear Antony, thank you for taking an effort to read it and write such a long and interesting comments. Though you make couple of points I would to explain a bit more.
ReplyDeleteYou're starting with a statement that generalization is never good when it comes to 'people', well, I completely agree but the main sense is not really about people.
I created 'Dating in London' some while ago and it's actually about patterns. Bad patterns we all repeat not being aware how are they perceived by others and how we can easily fail because of them.
If you go to the beginning of post you will see that it was my friend who came out with the idea of 'exclusivity'. I didn't mean to make it a theme of the article, that was just a funny opinion which seemed to be worth quoting.
You put out some of the parts of the dialogues as 'accusations' not seeing that they are actually parts of patterns I'm trying to expose. The point about the guys I wrote about is that they didn't really let me get to know them- they were going to 'nowhere' being afraid to show 'where' is actually a direction to go for them. "I've been being here for couple of years already. I could take care of you. Hehhe you know what I mean.- Antony, you seriously can't see anything inappropriate in this sentence? It's the moment when the person is making you an offer to stick to them for personal benefits, instead of saying 'you will gain something with me because I'm simply an interesting person'.
I do criticize myself in this post as well, as you can read clearly that all of the discussions with Frank are basically my discussions with myself. I do criticize myself as a person, who is receptive to those patterns and discouraged by them, withdraws. But this is how it works, isn't it?
And one thing I'm afraid is not clear for you: 'Dating in London' is not a psychological article about human nature or needs, and for sure, is not any sort of projection of my love life. Saying that I discover how much I like to talk about myself, was a funny comment on myself, not a confession that I feel a need to validate my value. If you read more of my posts you will easily see what I think about any sorts of 'admiration' and that I do not hide my own insecurities and often defend people pointed out as 'imperfect'. Therefore I disagree with a part of a 'judgement'. The part where I analyze myself is to show that what I'm writing about is only my personal expression of couple of adventures, based on misunderstoods and repeating the 'dating pattern' rather than gaining a knowledge about somebody.
'Dating in London' was meant to be a funny story about how people easily get into the 'dating cycle' forgetting that getting to know somebody is an interaction.
And thank you for advise on my love life, but 'Dating in London' is unfortnately not a part of that.
Hope you will read some more of mine in the future and discover that I am not that judgmental, though maybe too sarcastic sometimes.
'Because we are all more or less flaberghasted by this cosmic shitstorm we call life'... Are you a writer, Antony? Because I f***ing love that sentence!!