Recently I have been experiencing a feeling of excess. Excess of work, excess of obligations, excess of requirements towards myself and first of all, excess of commitments. But beside that there was another excess I underestimated before (out of other ones, which finally came to drive me crazy and made me emotionally exhausted)and which revealed itself all of a sudden to ruin my calm joy after slowing down: the excess of myself. I am definitely too much of myself in the most literal understanding of the subject: I exceeded my 'all right' weight for already four kilos. And unfortunately, this exceed is not the one you can get rid of just by slowing down.
In my adult life, I never let my insecurities to get on my head. Even in the moment of my life when I was definitely too big I tried to figure out my way not to go mad about my appearance. It might be heared to you as a shabby excuse but this time I just stopped feeling comfortable with myself. I felt sick. Not emotionally but literally, I felt my body condition was crap. The scary thought which crossed my mind was that it's not exactly ok, when at the age of twenty six you would never wear a bikini. I exceeded not only my favourite weight, but also my favourite self. I didn't even tell my mom ('It's all because you perceive your life as a line of tasks and commitments. Everybody would get crazy.') So I decided to make a new commitment: I will come back to my old shape by my 27th Birthday.
