Recently I have been thinking a lot. But it was not an easy kind of thinking, it was a thinking of a writer, a heavy, dusty piece of reality sticking to your chest. I would say it's a brilliant kind of thinking, almost a one of a genius way, as I bet not many people ever are able to think this way, but right before such a say can raise a smile on my face I realized that I don't feel that much of a chosen amongst a people and even less of a genius. But then there is, all of a sudden, a thought that crashed my mind all of a sudden one morning on the tube, just like it happens to any other person in the world. These thought are usually linked closely to relationships, and so was mine. It was my relationship with Frank, which attacked me with memories.
These memories now, after so many years, as just as precious as my real ones. And since many people at some point kept asking me about my imaginary therapist, I guessed it would be a nice thing to do to give this history some space in here. So, there it is. The story of an eternal friendship.
I created Frank one usual evening as a result to my long thinking process about excuses. There is not another such a good excuse than an opinion of a doctor. We say it much more often than our awareness can accept: my doctor doesn't let me eat it, my doctor said I should be careful with my back etc. So why wouldn't I get a psychotherapist, the one and only counsellor for me, who'll be working just for me, just as an excuse to my constantly distracted mind. There can be nothing as good in the entire life, nothing like a doctor for my own personal use, visible only to me, existing only to me. A doctor to owe.
All of a sudden the thought became so powerful I couldn't resist my determination anymore: I wanted to create him. The process of creation was fast and and chaotic, like my own creation had surprised me and surpassed all of my expectations and abilities. The creature started to form themselves, right there, in front of my eyes. I should have analized a potential danger in there, but the transformation has already started and I was sinking in it, having lost all of my common senses. Different pieces of a person were showing up in front of my mind in madness, noses, pair of eyes, ears and fingers traveling in a defilade of possibilties. And the, with the eyes of imagination, I saw him for the first time. He corrected his glasses with one finger and smiled. I knew he was the one. Frank. My one and only imaginary counsellor.
The beginning of our coexistance was quite far from harmony: Frank started a real revolution in my head in order to build for himself a nice piece of home. Soon my head was full of colourful couches made of patchwork and tiny night lamps as Frank liked to read before sleep. Although I was ready for a limited kind of conflict: I knew from my experience that anytime you create an imaginary friend you need to be prepared for this person's own tastes and hobbies as very often they might be n contrary to yours. But I still believed in an eternal dream of a total symbiosis with my own psychotherapist, so I didn't mind any sort of sacrifice. With a smile on my face I was watching catalogues and ultimate home style trends, always being there to help him whether it was a colour of stores or a position of a kitchen table. I kept calm even when my new companion turned to be a bit grumpy- never happy with cheap solutions such as Ikea or Argos and looking forward to furnish my mind with heavy vintage equipment. Even though it was too much for my head, I smiled and promised to do what he wished for. All in the name of our promising, everlasting friendship.
There was also another reason for me to create a permanent inhabitant of my imagination. This were continuous trips of random visitors I had had over the recent time in my life. To be frank, the amount of creatures crashing my mind for a coffee and a quick chat has exceeded a sensible amount already long time ago. Moomintrolls, la chat noir, the beauty and the beast, spies from the rainland and one especially clumsy guy in a waterproof jacket and a vacuum instead of a head: these are only examples of endless representants of the visiting crowd. That last guy had been especially annoying: not having any pair of eyes was causing a total disaster in my tidy innerspace, each time leaving me on a cleaning spree for the next couple of hours. But then, everything was about to change. Since my mind was about to become permanently occupied by Frank I had a good excuse to significantly cut the time other creatures spend inside. 'No, you can't stay! Don't you see, there is somebody living here, finish your coffee and go to sleep at yours!'
As I hoped soon the visits have become rare and much shorter and the creatures were mostly discussing a good side of life, restraining from putting on my head all of their doubts and sorrows. That was an outcome of mr Frank, who liked to interrupt out conversations and lectured the creatures in not very gentle way. That was also one of the first real conflicts I had to face: no matter how I tried, Frank was not very likeable. Despite my jokes I was using to break the ice- that Frank needs to be loved unconditionally rather than liked for something specific- deep inside I had to admit that for some people indeed he could be hard to handle. His nailfile was able to successfully annoy even my mother. Unfortunately, sense of humour wasn't Frank's big adventage either and if it appeared it was rather sarcastic. Even though he represented quite a decent level of empathy (necessary to work as a therapist) he wasn't much of a sensitive person and often dealt with other people's emotions in a rather clumsy way.
Of course, they were also bright sides of being with Frank. I truly enjoyed his completely detached opinions and reasonable measures, ensuring me that there is no issue without a simple and efficient solution and that problems occur only to be taken care of as quickly as possible. He had an advice in every situation and never got brought down by any circumstances, whether was it bad weather or a lower mood. On the other hand he always respected my utter need for a bit of loneliness and respected my own space in a way only an odd one can understand another odd one. The overall picture of our cooperation was quite happy, balanced and effective.
There were always though, the situation setting out relationship on a hard trial. It was Frank's autonomy coming alive and demanding a voice. This is probably the biggest issue in every relationship. That is why, I try not to be bothered by these little issues. It's there, whether you friend is imaginary and lives in your head, those things you will never know and you don't want to know. But as it works too sides, I can cheat in many ways too. I pretend not to think about something or not to feel in certain way, and yes, I don't mind that my imaginary counsellor doesn't know everything about me. Long live mr Frank, my one and only imaginary therapist, my best doctor I can ever dream with. Then, I will go to smoke a cigarette in the garden, late outside where no one can see and where I can be myself even Frank cannot track. Despite our promising common forever.
I created Frank one usual evening as a result to my long thinking process about excuses. There is not another such a good excuse than an opinion of a doctor. We say it much more often than our awareness can accept: my doctor doesn't let me eat it, my doctor said I should be careful with my back etc. So why wouldn't I get a psychotherapist, the one and only counsellor for me, who'll be working just for me, just as an excuse to my constantly distracted mind. There can be nothing as good in the entire life, nothing like a doctor for my own personal use, visible only to me, existing only to me. A doctor to owe.
All of a sudden the thought became so powerful I couldn't resist my determination anymore: I wanted to create him. The process of creation was fast and and chaotic, like my own creation had surprised me and surpassed all of my expectations and abilities. The creature started to form themselves, right there, in front of my eyes. I should have analized a potential danger in there, but the transformation has already started and I was sinking in it, having lost all of my common senses. Different pieces of a person were showing up in front of my mind in madness, noses, pair of eyes, ears and fingers traveling in a defilade of possibilties. And the, with the eyes of imagination, I saw him for the first time. He corrected his glasses with one finger and smiled. I knew he was the one. Frank. My one and only imaginary counsellor.
The beginning of our coexistance was quite far from harmony: Frank started a real revolution in my head in order to build for himself a nice piece of home. Soon my head was full of colourful couches made of patchwork and tiny night lamps as Frank liked to read before sleep. Although I was ready for a limited kind of conflict: I knew from my experience that anytime you create an imaginary friend you need to be prepared for this person's own tastes and hobbies as very often they might be n contrary to yours. But I still believed in an eternal dream of a total symbiosis with my own psychotherapist, so I didn't mind any sort of sacrifice. With a smile on my face I was watching catalogues and ultimate home style trends, always being there to help him whether it was a colour of stores or a position of a kitchen table. I kept calm even when my new companion turned to be a bit grumpy- never happy with cheap solutions such as Ikea or Argos and looking forward to furnish my mind with heavy vintage equipment. Even though it was too much for my head, I smiled and promised to do what he wished for. All in the name of our promising, everlasting friendship.
There was also another reason for me to create a permanent inhabitant of my imagination. This were continuous trips of random visitors I had had over the recent time in my life. To be frank, the amount of creatures crashing my mind for a coffee and a quick chat has exceeded a sensible amount already long time ago. Moomintrolls, la chat noir, the beauty and the beast, spies from the rainland and one especially clumsy guy in a waterproof jacket and a vacuum instead of a head: these are only examples of endless representants of the visiting crowd. That last guy had been especially annoying: not having any pair of eyes was causing a total disaster in my tidy innerspace, each time leaving me on a cleaning spree for the next couple of hours. But then, everything was about to change. Since my mind was about to become permanently occupied by Frank I had a good excuse to significantly cut the time other creatures spend inside. 'No, you can't stay! Don't you see, there is somebody living here, finish your coffee and go to sleep at yours!'
As I hoped soon the visits have become rare and much shorter and the creatures were mostly discussing a good side of life, restraining from putting on my head all of their doubts and sorrows. That was an outcome of mr Frank, who liked to interrupt out conversations and lectured the creatures in not very gentle way. That was also one of the first real conflicts I had to face: no matter how I tried, Frank was not very likeable. Despite my jokes I was using to break the ice- that Frank needs to be loved unconditionally rather than liked for something specific- deep inside I had to admit that for some people indeed he could be hard to handle. His nailfile was able to successfully annoy even my mother. Unfortunately, sense of humour wasn't Frank's big adventage either and if it appeared it was rather sarcastic. Even though he represented quite a decent level of empathy (necessary to work as a therapist) he wasn't much of a sensitive person and often dealt with other people's emotions in a rather clumsy way.
Of course, they were also bright sides of being with Frank. I truly enjoyed his completely detached opinions and reasonable measures, ensuring me that there is no issue without a simple and efficient solution and that problems occur only to be taken care of as quickly as possible. He had an advice in every situation and never got brought down by any circumstances, whether was it bad weather or a lower mood. On the other hand he always respected my utter need for a bit of loneliness and respected my own space in a way only an odd one can understand another odd one. The overall picture of our cooperation was quite happy, balanced and effective.
There were always though, the situation setting out relationship on a hard trial. It was Frank's autonomy coming alive and demanding a voice. This is probably the biggest issue in every relationship. That is why, I try not to be bothered by these little issues. It's there, whether you friend is imaginary and lives in your head, those things you will never know and you don't want to know. But as it works too sides, I can cheat in many ways too. I pretend not to think about something or not to feel in certain way, and yes, I don't mind that my imaginary counsellor doesn't know everything about me. Long live mr Frank, my one and only imaginary therapist, my best doctor I can ever dream with. Then, I will go to smoke a cigarette in the garden, late outside where no one can see and where I can be myself even Frank cannot track. Despite our promising common forever.
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