A terrible illness has crossed Monkey Seduction's plan of development. But fortunately my ambitions, Mr Charming and my absolutely favourite employer won't let me being ill for longer. I remember once I read a guide how to keep promises we give to ourselves. One of the rules said: 'Tell somebody about it'. So, hoping it works, and to avoid procrastination, I would like to tell you about some ideas of my mind. First of all, in te nearest future my blog should transform a bit. Could be nothing huge for somebody who actually really reads me, but I feel like get to know myself a bit better. I want to share more things, tell what does it mean for me to be a polyglot and share my old diaries from places I used to know. People say that a good blog is a place where your readers are excited, your family is outraged and your friends are terrified. Let's see how far you an pursue an achievement.
But in the meantime there is one thing which happened to me. Something which might be worth mentioning.
'You don't love me the way you should'- was screaming a message me and several other friends got from Paolo O. Martin on Friday evening. The background of this situation could actually explain a lot: recently, indeed, we underestimated his taste for a good fun. Of course, Paolo, we do love you! But do we do that the way we should?
Following this thought, I tried to remember many reasons for which, sometimes me, sometimes some of my friends, loved others. I came to the conclusions that yes, there are many situations in life when we do love, but we do this for a wrong reason.
PITY
This section which cover my personal problem, or at least my dad thinks so. It happens when we come to love somebody by feeling deeply sorry for them.
- It's the oldest self-starting machine in the world- said my dad cutting his favourite tomatoes for a salad.- It's like Perpetuum Mobile, you can't even control it. And it's a simple cycle- you meet someone, you feel sorry for them for everything bad happening in their lives, you think they deserve better so you want to give them something better. And the only thing you have is actually you by yourself.
Conclusions to which my dad can come while cutting tomatoes always amaze me. But try to create a simple image to this: you meet a person. Then they start a conversation...
- You know, I lost almost my whole family when I was a child.
Shut up.
- I had to leave school because of financial problems even though I had amazing grades at the university.
Oh no, please stop.
- I have been trying different countries to find a suitable job but this is impossible. The reality is just all about a 'market', not about creative souls.
And then you feel- it's happening. You know you're falling in love and you know it's for a wrong reason. You want to stop it, you wish they would just stop talking. But instead you get:
- My younger brother died last year out of cancer.
This is it. Terrified, you're watching your empty chest to realize that you're heart is already in this person's throat.
* Yes, if you want somebody to fall in love with you, you can try this, but remember it will be for wrong reason and you will never find out if this person truly loves you.
IDEA
This is a situation when we love somebody because... they match our lifestyle. They have everything we want, or at least what we believe we want. We believe our life with this person will be better and finally whole. Why is that a wrong reason? Because we often don't even know this person.
If you ever had an idea of dating this guy who works for that company, or this girl who always wears high heels then you know what I am talking about.
The point of loving someone for the certain image works either way: sometimes we reject somebody with whom we feel strong connection with just because their image is actually NOT what we think we desire for our life to come true. This contains all the situations when you reject loving someone because they are from the country you hated during your holidays in 1993, or because your grandmother said they are dodgy. In this option often you are not aware of that for your whole life: you just replace them with other people who 'match your criteria' more. And you move to another wrong reason:
PROJECTION
Probably the most spooky and dangerous of all the wrong reasons to love somebody.
Imagine a guy, let's call him Bob. He's in love with a girl, let's call her Theresa. The relationship though, doesn't work, for no matter what reason (let's put it aside whether it was from a wrong reason or not). Bob feels lonely, brokenhearted and deserted. Until he meets another girl (most probably- what a miracle!- over the next month) and he feels in love TOTALLY. Her name is, let's say, Isabella. From the beginning, for Bob, there is a strong connection between those two- how alike does it sound, Theresa and Isabella, doesn't it?! And they seem to be so similar they could be sisters- no matter one of them is a blond Swedish and another one is African! For Bob they are just the same. His love for Isabella is sincere and everlasting and he's happy for what happened to him.
Except, Bob still loves Theresa. His feeling for Isabella is just a projection. It's a composition of feelings taken straight from one person to another. The best way to avoid a heart breaking disappointment. If you're drunk with beer, drink a vodka. And other this kind of bullshit.
I used the example of Bob, though sadly the projection happens mostly to women. Unless unlikely I can see my male friends searching for same qualities in every woman. And I am more than sure you have at least one female friend who keeps on jumping from one man to another, calling each one of them 'the one'. Projection is pretty much a condition of disease- it makes you lose control on your own feelings. But it's even most dangerous to the object of that- 'Isabellas' who will always be 'Theresas'.
FRANK
-You see, Frank, if you love somebody, you should seriously meditate on the reasons for that.
- Not necessarily- smiled Frank while polishing his glasses.- You see, you created me and now I need to love you. I live in your head and if you stop loving me, I am going to disappear in the darkness of your mind. So I have to love you as much as I love being alive. And for some people it's the same: they have to love somebody because without them they are just not whole. They can't cope without it.
- But Frank, it's like a slavery!
- Do you think loving is a freedom?- asked Frank putting his glasses on, and gazing at me with his eyes clear
The point of loving someone for the certain image works either way: sometimes we reject somebody with whom we feel strong connection with just because their image is actually NOT what we think we desire for our life to come true. This contains all the situations when you reject loving someone because they are from the country you hated during your holidays in 1993, or because your grandmother said they are dodgy. In this option often you are not aware of that for your whole life: you just replace them with other people who 'match your criteria' more. And you move to another wrong reason:
PROJECTION
Probably the most spooky and dangerous of all the wrong reasons to love somebody.
Imagine a guy, let's call him Bob. He's in love with a girl, let's call her Theresa. The relationship though, doesn't work, for no matter what reason (let's put it aside whether it was from a wrong reason or not). Bob feels lonely, brokenhearted and deserted. Until he meets another girl (most probably- what a miracle!- over the next month) and he feels in love TOTALLY. Her name is, let's say, Isabella. From the beginning, for Bob, there is a strong connection between those two- how alike does it sound, Theresa and Isabella, doesn't it?! And they seem to be so similar they could be sisters- no matter one of them is a blond Swedish and another one is African! For Bob they are just the same. His love for Isabella is sincere and everlasting and he's happy for what happened to him.
Except, Bob still loves Theresa. His feeling for Isabella is just a projection. It's a composition of feelings taken straight from one person to another. The best way to avoid a heart breaking disappointment. If you're drunk with beer, drink a vodka. And other this kind of bullshit.
I used the example of Bob, though sadly the projection happens mostly to women. Unless unlikely I can see my male friends searching for same qualities in every woman. And I am more than sure you have at least one female friend who keeps on jumping from one man to another, calling each one of them 'the one'. Projection is pretty much a condition of disease- it makes you lose control on your own feelings. But it's even most dangerous to the object of that- 'Isabellas' who will always be 'Theresas'.
FRANK
-You see, Frank, if you love somebody, you should seriously meditate on the reasons for that.
- Not necessarily- smiled Frank while polishing his glasses.- You see, you created me and now I need to love you. I live in your head and if you stop loving me, I am going to disappear in the darkness of your mind. So I have to love you as much as I love being alive. And for some people it's the same: they have to love somebody because without them they are just not whole. They can't cope without it.
- But Frank, it's like a slavery!
- Do you think loving is a freedom?- asked Frank putting his glasses on, and gazing at me with his eyes clear
like never before.- Then you have a lot to learn.
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